Lots lots and lots has happened since I last posted, hmmm, it looks like that was in February. Well, in March, I got pregnant. I didn't really know I was pregnant, just thought I was having an extra bad bout of endometriosis for 2 months! I was 11 weeks along when I finally took 'the test'. Alone, in the Wallgreens bathroom. Some background: I am the awesome ripe age of 39, married for 9 years, two surgeries under my belt (literally) for endo and ovarian cysts, three adoptions (our children are 4. 3 and 1). Life is full and although in my deepest of hearts, I hoped for a pregnancy and the experience to bear a child, I also knew that we were blessed beyond words and blessed beyond my wildest dreams with our home, marriage and three children.
There is so much pain and loneliness, anger, frustration, impatience and primarily fear, that goes along with infertility. But somewhere along the way, about 3 years in to our marriage, we found great strength through faith, hope, 'other' focused love, and taking life one day at a time, living as fully as possible. When one lives in the present as completely as possible, there's no room left for fear of the future. I can only speak for myself, but my greatest emotion was fear - that I would be alone - no children in my home and heart.
In that Wallgreens bathroom, looking at the two pink lines on the test, everything made sense in my life. Our struggles, marriage, getting to know each other and love each other, getting to trust God as a generous father, learning to deal with fear, learning to cope with pain, learning to embrace adoption and trust the courts, learning to let go. It just all made sense, and I knew that God had wanted us to have this child, at this time, at this age, after James, Ellie and Hannah.
I am almost 5 months along, feeling fine and humbly asking for prayers for a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery.
